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The Public Blogging of Pomosexuality, Homotextuality, Homophobiaphilia, and Drear Theory (aka Career Theory) [aka Gay4Pay]. We also read the Corner and OpJournal so the right buttock will be punished as well.
All comments subject to publication. Or dismissal. Or Both.
Bunch of students at San Diego State get arrested in a big drug bust. Several were getting their degrees in law enforcement. There is, of course, zero irony in that fact. But there was this: One student allegedly dealing cocaine was a month short of obtaining a master's degree in Homeland Security... 2:03 AM
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Remembrances of Things Current
The poster in the bus shelter's glass wall for How She Move reminds me that one of the scariest phrases in contemporary popular culture must certainly be "MTV Pictures Presents".
The distribution of anomalous large vertical windows on the bunkerish facade of the new UPenn dorm being built right next to the bus shelter reminds me that simulated randomness is the new symmetry. It's been the new symmetry for fifteen years (or is it twenty-five), so I'm not expecting any gasps for this insight. Like I said, I was reminded.
7:38 PM
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Widow Gyllenhaal
Something funny happens midway through The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion's memoir of her husband's sudden death and the prolonged, serial near-deaths of her daughter. Didion quotes a passage from C. S. Lewis which fills you with the overwhelming conviction as you read it that you should really be holding his book in your hands right now instead of Joan D's:
I think I'm beginning to understand why grief feels like suspense; it comes from the frustration of so many impulses that have become habitual Thought after thought, feeling after feeling, action after action, had H. for their object. Now their target is gone. I keep on through habit, fitting an arrow to the string then I remember and have to lay the bow down. So many roads lead thought to H. I set out on one of them but, now, there's an impassable frontier post across it. So many roads once, now so many cul de sacs. --C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
FromUltimate Fitness, Gina Kolata's pretty good book about the history and science of exercise:
"It's much easier to eat a thousand calories than to burn a thousand calories", Blair says. "An old football coach used to say, 'I have all my assistants running five miles a day, but they eat ten miles a day.'" 4:04 AM
Monday, December 10, 2007
Night-Stand Petty Thievery and Loan-Sharking to Cripples: A Christmas Story
This short article about janitors-above-the-law and the permanent crime wave at a VA hospital very near where I live is the most compelling thing I've read in a while. Seems to me to have the Walter Reed Hospital scandals of recent months way beat.
12:04 AM
Tom Russell, now 48, is a former Nampa resident who lives in Utah. Russell said his encounter with Craig occurred at Bogus Basin in the early 1980s.
Allow me now, at such an opportune moment and from the deepest, falsest part of Bogus Basin, to revise and extend my earlier remarks on Brokeback Mountain. I have now seen long, languid stretches of it on TV (though never the whole thing from beginning to end), and it works much better for me as a TV movie than a multiplex one. Much, much better.
On a very badly done (poorly moderated and with even dumber lawyers/cops than usual) Fox News show recapping new developments (of which there are none) in the story of the four year old British girl who disappeared from her parents' vacation villa in Portugal, the child was referred to as a "beauty" several times. After a commercial, attention was turned to the freezing-cold case of the Eisneberg (?) baby who disappeared from her parents' Florida home in the late 90's. This infant girl-child was five months old at the time of her vanishing. She was also referred to (but alas, a mere once) as a "beauty". As she was only an infant and she was in Florida and it was a warm night (the windows were open) I'm guessing she might also have been topless at the time of her abduction (or, you know, whatever). They've only half-read the tabloid style-book over there at Fox.
11:27 PM
They always seem to be the fathers of three children. Or married at least to women who have had three children.
3:58 PM
Friday, August 10, 2007
The Royal Family
In an article about the assassination of an Oakland journalist, the WaPo alludes to the faulty dynastic succession structure of the local bean pie mafia:
Bey died before the trial, triggering a succession crisis on the scale of the patriarch's profligacy: He reportedly fathered 43 children.
Months later, Bey's chosen successor turned up in a shallow grave. The son who then took over was killed in an attempted carjacking in 2005. New leader Yusuf Bey IV, then 19, was arrested that year for vandalizing two neighborhood liquor stores in a vigilante enforcement of Muslim prohibitions on alcohol. A year later, he was charged with trying to drive his BMW over bouncers outside a San Francisco strip club.
Two doctors were among five people being held as terror suspects last night after the bomb plots in London and Glasgow.
One was one of two men who tried to drive a blazing Jeep packed with petrol, gas canisters and nails into Glasgow Airport on Saturday.
... The revelation raises the horrifying prospect that Al Qaeda propaganda is reaching beyond disaffected young Muslims.
...Two of the five people arrested were a woman of 27 and her 26-year-old husband, boxed in by unmarked police cars as they drove on the M6 in Cheshire. ...One of the doctors, the man arrested on the M6, was said to be a Jordanian-born doctor at the North Staffordshire Hospital in Stoke-on-Trent.
So 26 isn't young anymore? Doctors are incapable of disaffection? Are doctors in the employ of the state ever less than disaffected on any given day? Didn't the resumes of the 9/11 suiciders see and raise that very same horrifying prospect once and for all?
Thankfully, socialized terrorism works about as well as you'd expect:
...It also emerged that only "technical failure" stopped the bombs spreading carnage among late-night revellers.
Mobile phones in the cars were meant to trigger a blast when they were called.
The bombers called the Tiger Tiger car twice, and the other four times, but the bombs failed to detonate.
Like an abyss Narcissus, Australia stares into the depths and sees itself:
A DRUNKEN nightclub reveller might have been an accidental hero responsible for saving hundreds of lives in the London terror attacks.
Ambulance officers were called to the Tiger Tiger bar in the city's West End about 1am on Friday to help the struggling party-goer.
The officers then noticed a car parked nearby with smoke seemingly pouring out of it.
They called police, who noticed a mobile phone sitting on the dash.
The "smoke" is now believed to have been vapours from the 60 litres of petrol stashed in the back seat. Bomb experts were called and a robot sent in to defuse the bomb.
(Aternate post title: Tiger, Tiger, Gutteryng Dym)
6:56 PM
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Homework and Peppermints
The Strawberry Alarm Clock were not an interesting band, that's a plain fact. Still, there was more going on there then I ever would have suspected, if I'd ever taken even a second to suspect anything at all:
...On their first and most famous single, "Incense and Peppermints", lead vocals were sung by Greg Munford, a 16-year-old friend of the band. The song reached #1 on the Billboard pop singles chart in late 1967. After that success the band added George Bunnell (bass and rhythm guitar) before making their first LP in 1967, also titled Incense and Peppermints. Bunnell would also become their main songwriter. Some early Strawberry Alarm Clock songs were penned by George Bunnell and Steve Bartek (who would much later join Oingo Boingo). Bartek played flute on the debut album, but could not join the band because of school.
I'm guessing there are no girlfriend problems with this one.
7:26 PM
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Some Excellent Names on These Lads
Perhaps not such excellent brains within them though:
(Mons & Crits) ...The FBI arrested at least five suspects, including Dritan Duka, Mohammad Ibrahim Shnewer, Eljvir Duka (also known as Elvis Duka), Shain Duka and Serdar Tatar, according to official documents.
A sixth possible co-conspirator, Agron Abdullahu...
...The plot began to unravel in January 2006, when FBI agents received a tip from a retail store that it had duplicated a suspicious video into a DVD that showed '10 young men ... in their early twenties shooting assault weapons at a firing range.'
They were 'calling for jihad and shouting in Arabic, 'Allah Akbar' (God is great),' the charges stated.
Using two paid informants, the FBI kept track of the group through audio recordings allegedly made with the consent of the suspects...
In their honor, my new punk name (it will be my 412th) is Agron Schnorrer.
(ABC News) ...Some news accounts have suggested that Cho had a history of antidepressant use, but senior federal officials tell ABC News that they can find no record of such medication in the government's files. This does not completely rule out prescription drug use, including samples from a physician, drugs obtained through illegal Internet sources, or a gap in the federal database, but the sources say theirs is a reasonably complete search.
There's a federal database of all Americans (resident-aliens included) on anti-depressants?
SPEARSVILLE, La. (AP) -- Two fifth-graders had sex on a classroom floor while two others fondled each other in the classroom, according to a teacher at Spearsville High School.
Union Parish Superintendent Judy Mabry would say only that the allegations were being investigated; Principal Frank Futch said the incident was not indicative of how the school is run.
First-year teacher Michael Walker, who teaches fifth- through eighth-grade English, said three students were either expelled or sent to an alternative school and two others got detention.
Students at the kindergarten through 12th grade school are unruly, disrespectful and rarely disciplined, Walker said.
"They cuss at the teachers and throw things at them, and nothing is done," Walker said. "There was even one student who grabbed a teacher in the butt and nothing was done. The students run the school."
..."This is one incident and everyone is making a big deal out of it," Futch said. "I never had a teacher complain to me, but I have heard them complain to each other."
A MANHUNT has been launched in Japan after a British teacher was found dead in a bathtub of sand.
Lindsay Ann Hawker, 22, was discovered on the balcony of a flat near Tokyo. 2:10 AM
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Mrs. Drudge
That faggot (joke!) Matt Drudge has barely mentioned his gal (joke!) pal Ann Coulter's CPAC F-bomb (the other F-bomb) and the ensuing ritualistic behavior on all sides by all parties everywhere (myself included). Funny shit that quietesse.
From Writers At Work: The Paris Review Interviews, Second Series (which, if the others are all this good, I shouldn't have used as so many building blocks in the book towers that guard my kingdom) :
Ezra Pound:...We are up against so many mysteries. There is the problem of benevolence, the point at which benevolence has ceased to be operative. Eliot says they spend their time trying to imagine systems so perfect that nobody will have to be good.
Marianne Moore: ....To me the theater is the most pleasant, in fact my favorite, form of recreation. Interviewer: Do you go often? Marianne Moore: No. Never. Unless someone invites me...
Ezra is an old pal, but Marianne is just a familiar name to me so I looked up her poems. Too obscure for my patience but at least some nice images, plus regular doses of jagged phrases and lovely words
Regina Spektor's songEzra Pound is good. It's obscurity is well within the bounds of my patience, gnomic as it is and tied to a jaunty tune on top of that. My advice to the Dresden Dolls is to raise the neo-cabaret name-check stakes with a song called Marianne Moore.
3:54 AM
Monday, January 22, 2007
Music Notes: The Messrs Phillips and The Pisser Crash
Mr. Presley's first recordings were in the Memphis studio of Sam Phillips. The Beatles' first recordings took place in the Liverpool studio of Percy Phillips.
An Amazon listener review of Germicide: The Germs Live at the Whisky (The Germs' first recordings took place on stage in front of an audience) includes this sentence which deserves to be memorialized for its outstanding astuteness:
They sound as if they have practiced, since they are all on the same page, but the beats and tunings are lost (most often by lead singer Bobby Pin, later to be called Darby Crash), so they probably practiced for a week (the first time any of them picked up their instruments) and then took two weeks off before this show.
For this is indeed exactly what this performance sounds like. Band picks up instruments for first time and practices for a week, takes two weeks off then records their first show.
Most songs end with a Darby Crash valley boyish whine along the lines of "FUCK YOU, c'mon up here if you think you can do better." Most songs start that way too. Though one also has Darby asking for his "chord" and the guitarist responding with a strum that yields notes adding up to a "chord" never heard before or since. Truly Darby's chord.
3:53 AM
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Abandoned Butcher Shop
A half-smashed white-glass sign I pass nearly every day reads:
Solace for the Unfamous (You, and Only You, Know Who You Are)
Beautiful, sober Bill, the world's most muscular and tatooed used-bookstore employee, told me about Rumi a few months back when we were talking about which books were in constant demand. Rumi's assorted titles are among the most sought after. The thirteenth century, boy-loving (one boy anyway--a head-twirling dervish named Shams Tabriz), Islamic poet and spiritual guide is a big name in circles that hold others than me within their circumference. But I'm giving this mystic a chance (as I give them all), and he's winning me over. Somewhat Gibranish and Koran Black (not a bad drag name), Rumi is on the sweeter side of Islam as he unhitches Mohammed's tender buttons. And I'm ok with Gibran as far as I can remember. Rumi's pep talk to the celebunots among us, unfamy trumps infamy and plain-famy by his holy reckoning:
Don't worry if you're not famous; God knows best and hides his servants Like a treasure, for their security And in places that are little known. Would you put your treasure Where any fool could discover it?
And I'll Raise You a Former Ventriloquist from Osakka Whose Ruminative MOR Reminds Me of Rosie-Era David Lasley
Greatest best-of-list teaser from waning 2006. It's got it all-- obscure unto meaningless name-checking and bizarre-unto-sacred appositional research:
Barely more than a whisper. Frequently recalling the work of Loren MazzaCane Connors, yet Hisato Higuchi manages to form his own unique style of meditative blues. The former puppeteer from Tokio ...
I didn't know the Dolly Parton song Hard Candy Christmas till a few weeks ago, though it appears to haven come out in the early 9o's. It is brilliant in ever way--title, lyrics, music, performance and production. How could it have missed me for so long?
Cal Thomas has had a face lift. A pretty good face lift.
4:09 AM
Monday, December 04, 2006
Skip to the Loop, My Darkling
I'm not a big fan of clothes manufactured to look wrinkled, ripped, faded and beat (though on the right person anything looks good), but I do enjoy the trend of several years now in electronic music of deliberately incorporting the sounds of digital misfirings into new recordings (its predecessor was the trend of recreating analog flaws in a digital setting, preserving vinyl hissing, skipping and popping for a post-vinyl world). The most amusing aspect of it is how the seeming mistakes always draw a listener in as your brain gets tricked into possible-danger mode, sensing as it does something amiss and in need of fixing or fleeing. The genre is called "glitch" and you can listen to a fine example of it here (click on the link Breakbot - chelsea_iNN).
2:45 AM
Monday, November 27, 2006
Relativity in Our Time
Time moves slowest when you want someone to know that you are ignoring them but not enough time has built up for this to become obvious. Time virtually stops when you are waiting for that first phonecall, email, text or IM to arrive from the newly ignored one so that you may begin your ignoring in earnest.
1:32 PM
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Wrong
Dennis Cooper's blog was hacked, hijacked and possibly obliterated some time last week. All traffic to the site is currently being redirected to a search results page for the query "bamboo birch plywood", which is a change from the original redirection, when at least you got kidnapped to a porn directory page. Dennis has a new blog running as of yesterday here, but has gotten no help from Blogger in finding out where his original site went. That site was an awesomely extensive work in progess and, possibly, religion in the making--it had attracted a hardcore of acolytes with whom Cooper communicated assiduously in blog endnotes that were usually more extensive than that day's post. It doesn't appear that this act of literary vandalism has gotten any notice anywhere but on Dennis's newborn replacement blog. So I'll mention it here. I mean, you know, what the fuck, who destroyed the man's work?
Update: Dennis Cooper's blog has been restored at the original address but with severe damage. Blogger quarantined in it in some kind of faulty cryogenic holding tank upon receiving a spate of reports that the site was a spamblog. Blogger's reaction to such reports (and in this case, and probably others, the reports were phony and malicious) appears to be instantaneous and stupid, true faster-than-lightspeed foolishness--believe the reports with no investigation, put a redirect on the address, and trash the blog by incompletely archiving it. I'd love to hear Blogger and Google's defense of their shoddy practices in such circumstances.
4:17 AM
Sunday, November 12, 2006
This Is Pop
Trolling through the music blogs and dl'ing indiscriminately, of a rainy autumn afternoon and evening, one (and in particular this very one typing) can grow a little music weary from the gorging, but still find time and strength enough to hate terrestrial radio for letting the culture down so terribly these last several decades or so. May its death be sooner than now. But what with satrad (sirius, xm) and netrad (a million djs and a million stations), and blograts ripping their old vinyl and new cd's, something more interesting will start emerging from a plurality of open windows in passing cars within our lifetimes, I am somewhat sure. In the meantime, listen and watch Serge Gainsborough and Jane Birkin's little-girl-got-big, Charlotte, sing a most perfect song, a song about itself, about the people listening to it and about the people making it, The Songs That We Sing. Charlotte is a dabbler, stars in the occasional movie, records an album every twenty years, speaks Enlglish on Thursdays and Saturdays and French the rest of the week, gives birth now and then. The world is her stage, we are all the rest of us prop-masters, light techs and curtain pullers. (I've linked to her her video not directly through youtube but through the page I found it on, Filles Sourires, a music blog all about the sweet sounds French birds make. Even when it's Thursday and they go all anglo in the studio.)
10:06 PM
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Methics or Out Through the In Door or The Surrationalist Manifesto
There are few human beings with a higher estimate of their own ethical prowess than Canada's gift to southern North America, Mr. David Frum. So I'm thinking David is pretty much coming out in this exercise in contrapuntal relativisionism. Shine on you crazy diamond.
10:52 PM
Friday, November 03, 2006
The Real Daily Show
It's not the Viacom clips that make youtube worth it's google billions, or any of the other copyrighted crap that's free on TV anyway. It's all the young dudes stripping for their webcams, from coast to coast to coast and pole to pole, that makes it cheap at any price.
Datnoiz's ouevre gives you a glimpse of the up-in-their-rooms multitude. You should start with Boy Shorts. Or maybe Fuck Song. Datnoiz takes off less than most, but his less is so much more.
Then there's this teenage digital-surrealist and psychedelic tease. Gypsy Rose Hobart I calls 'em..
And speaking of camouflage, let's visit nature's most amazing cross-dresser, the cuttlefish.
6:19 AM
Sunday, October 22, 2006
The Undersigned
As a child I was delighted by open letters in support or (more typically) decry* of cultural/political this or political/cultural that. I read them most often in the Week in Review section of the Sunday New York Times. I imagine they find there way into print there still, but my weeks have gone unreviewed for many years now so I cant say for sure. Yesterday Andrew Sullivan linked one such letter he had recently added his name to. Upon reading it, and the lengthy list of co-signers, I felt some of the old thrill. I didn't know anything of the controversy it addressed until that very moment, but it seemed a reasonable enough complaint. More reasonable certainly than my own anger at never having been asked to sign it, or anything like it. The roster of co-complainants lacks the star-power of some of the standby names of my youth, there's not a Norman Mailer or Shelley Winters among them. I have to think the entire, barely luminous enterprise would not have been dragged down even one lousy micro-watt by the inclusion of: A. Bender, open letter signatory, West Philadelphia/South Philadelphia
Have it your way, think-tank bitches and tenured stem-winders. I liked these names and ID's though:
Jiri Barta, Nadace Via Nelly Bekus, writer Alain Deletroz, International Crisis Group Timothy Garton Ash, University of Oxford Shpend Imeri, Association for Democratic Initiatives, Gostavar, Macedonia Peter Jukes, author and screenwriter, London Charles D. Klein, private investor Ivan Krastev, Center for Liberal Strategies, Sofia Teresa Leger de Fernandez, Nordhaus Law Firm, Santa Fe Susan Neiman, Einstein Forum, Potsdam Edward Orloff, The Wylie Agency Jacqueline Rose, Queen Mary University of London Domenico Scarpa, Universita degli Studi di Napoli "L'Orientale"
Mad love, envy and respect to Mr. John Leone and Ms. Patricia Schramm for letting their names stand alone, with no institutional or occupational apposition. Though I bet each one was a little pisssed the other had stolen their silent thunder.
*No, not a mistake, an innovation, or maybe a mistaken innovation. Usually I let my reformats of the language stand and fall on their own, but this one reads so strangely to some, and I like it so much, that I have to note it. I almost went with decrial, but why make up a new word when there's a perfectly good old word waiting for a new role in the grammar.
9:37 PM
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Henry James, William James and Jesse James Walk Into a Bar
What mankind really needs is the adrenal equivalent of war.
1:57 AM
So I'm talking to Foley--I always call him Flafol, you know, for Florida and Foley, just this thing we have--anyway it's at the Capitol right after the State of the Union and we're talking, though it's more like pictionary or I dunno shadow puppets maybe, like I'm Marcel Cousteau or something, than actual talking with all the goddam noise and Laura cackling with the last wives club three feet away, and this page strolls up to him, and I mean strolls, leans in real close and hands Foley a newspaper and some mail. Foley watches the kid as he's leaving, like a cat watching a squirrel on TV, then turns back to me smiles and goes like this, I smiled back cause I think he's saying he took the kid fishing, but now I'm not so sure. You working out, Newt?
UPDATE: Sullivan's entries all sucked. I could pretend that my own didn't have a glorious mistake at its very core (I really thought that was Gingrich), but I won't. It still works though (Bush thought he was talking to Gingrish too, see?), but now it's so layered and deep it needs captions of its own.
6:55 PM
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Scouting for Boys
Funny prepositions in the news:
(Timesonline)...As recently as July 27, President Bush had hailed Mr Foley and other legislators behind child protection laws as being part of a "SWAT team for kids". 10:04 PM
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Fearless Audience Slayer
I believe the considerable thrills in this video come as much from the reaction to the kid's skills as the skills themselves. Showstopping, crowdowning, is one of the primal urges. And he underdogs it too, with his look, manner and initial moves (but you know it's not calculated). Such a rare and potent mix.
2:25 AM
Thursday, September 21, 2006
The Scaffold Critic
Looks like Hollywoodland has cooked up another self-referential, mytho-prosaical blockbuster.
I was talking to my friend Biz:
Biz (2:24:59 AM): okay well me jeet and some people went to see hollywoodland last night and the movies was so boring .. he wasn't sitting next to me at first, but we were the only ones in the theater so he went over to the corner to smoke a cigarette and climb on the scaffolding behind the screen and when he was finished he came back and sat next to me and the movie was so boring i just thought about him the whole time and got kinda excited .. yea i just realized how horrible a story that was
Me(2:25:37 AM): u were the ONLY ones in the theater?
Me(2:25:51 AM): thats a great story actually
Biz(2:26:04 AM): ohhh no !! there was this lady but she was slumped down in her seat and we didn't know she was there
Biz(2:26:21 AM): and when jeet started climbing behind the screen she said she would tell the movie people if he didn't stop 2:44 AM
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Electranetizens of the Day
I found the WaPo A-section news-pix slide show unusually evocative today:
Today's strange verb, renew: STOCKHOLM, Sept. 17 — Sweden appeared set to sweep away 12 years of center-left government today, voting to reject its longtime prime minister, Goran Persson, in favor of a conservative candidate who has pledged to renew the Swedish welfare state.
The NYT's Stockholm bureau is a little startled by the Swedish election results. The apparent winner is a mildish conservative reformer, which suggests a verb that would bring some sense to the lede-- a conservative candidate who has pledged to reform the Swedish welfare state. But their fingers just couldn't key in that word or that thought, so renew it was.
6:24 PM
Saturday, September 16, 2006
The Wet Locker Room Floors of France
Or is it Canada? I can't believe the Corner hasn't linked this yet.
12:46 AM
Sunday, September 10, 2006
The Daybed Critic
Fifty years ago I wrote here about the best New York City movies ever made. At that time I counted them as Rear Window, Dead End and Rosemary's Baby, with Rosemary taking the palme d'or. I will now add two other movies I've seen recently. Maybe my critical faculties have gone to Icelandic hell and I'm grading like a Ivy League professor now, but they both seemed very good to me at the time (and the time for both was somewhere around four in the morning).
Our new inductees: Birth, a movie that mirrors Rosemary in several ways, most notably that Nicole Kidman imports Mia Farrows earlier performance (and haircut) into this this 2004 movie. Lauren Bacall's final line in the film is staggeringly funny (possible disclaimer: remember, this was around 4 am) and recasts the whole cinematic exercise as a super-stylish shaggy dog story. Can there be higher praise than that? There is nothing staggeringly funny in Crimes and Misdemeanors, but it is an excellent movie if you ignore the jokes, which there are, thankfully, not many of. Strangely, with this film's addition to my list, Mia Farrow appears in two of the five greatest New York City movies, and she is reprised in a third.
12:03 PM
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Argot Update
Dizzy Fitches: the A&F clone army, aka the crombie zombies.
2:12 AM
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Smelly Billiot
Story of a young boy in a Welsh mining town who discovers he can't dance at all. Not even a little bit. He's ugly and he stinks too.
(Thought of this tonight and I laughed--it's a low threshold. Woulda been much funnier if it had occurred to me three, maybe four, years ago.)
2:01 AM
Sunday, August 20, 2006
When Mediation Breaks Down
JockoHomo's youtube playlist is extensive and various within certain limits. I will exhaust it over time. We should all be grateful.
Let this be a homework assignment for the world, each of you compile your own.
7:59 AM
Friday, August 18, 2006
Sexed U Up
I believe it is a settled point of the American language, settled through hugger-mugger plebiscite of 30,000,000 nimble-fingered yankee teenagers, that the past tense of the verbal "text" is "text". We might be able to bring this anomaly in line with standard grammatical practice by commanding that the past tense of "text" be written as "texed". The force of this command might prove wanting, however.
8:28 PM
I Loved the Lindbergh Baby and He Loved Me
Catch me if you can, coppers.
Sorry, Bruno. Behold the colorful story of our l'amour secret and star-crossed elopement (I'm in shadow in the first panel). Ahhhh, to be held again by you just once, my over-wiggly child.
5:35 PM
The recent arrests that our fellow citizens are now learning about are a stark reminder that this nation is at war with Islamic fascists who will use any means to destroy those of us who love freedom, to hurt our nation.
Every word out of the man's mouth is a stark reminder.
The President didn't say Islamic Fascists so much as Islamic Faschistissses. If a native-grown fascist movement should spring up in Massachussets any time in the near future, we can look forward to even more intricate sibalant riffing by the big bebopper.
5:21 AM
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Che's House Lands on Fidel, Raul Gets the Ruby Slippers
Clinton is so promiscuous that Raul Castro must be gay.
The likely as not ghostwritten prologue: As a result of the enormous effort [I] made to visit the Argentine city of Cordoba to participate in the reunion of Mercosur, in the closing ceremony of the Summit of the Peoples at the historic University of Cordoba, and in the visit to Altagracia, the city where Che spent his childhood, and, along with all this, to attend immediately the commemoration of the 53rd anniversary of the assault on the barracks at Moncada and Carlos Manuel de Cespedes on July 26, 1953, in the provinces of Granma and Holguin, days and nights of continuous work, barely able to sleep, my health, which has withstood all trials, was subjected to extreme stress and broke down.
This provoked an acute intestinal crisis, with sustained bleeding, that obliged me to face a complicated surgical operation. All details of this health accident are evident in the X-rays, endoscopies, and filmed materials. The operation obliges me to spend several weeks in repose, away from my responsibilities and duties.
The particulars of Fidel's revolutionary bequest:
1. I delegate, on a provisional basis, my functions as First Secretary of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of Cuba upon the Second Secretary, comrade Raul Castro Ruz.
2. I delegate, on a provisional basis, my functions as Commander in Chief of the Heroic Revolutionary Armed Forces upon the aforementioned comrade, Army Gen. Raul Castro Ruz.
3. I delegate, on a provisional basis, my functions as President of the Council of State and Government of the Republic of Cuba on the First Vice President, comrade Raul Castro Ruz.
4. I delegate, on a provisional basis, my functions as principal promoter of the national and international program of public health upon the member of the Political Bureau and Minister of Public Health, comrade Jose Ramon Balaguer Cabrera.
5. I delegate, on a provisional basis, my functions as principal promoter of the national and international program of education upon comrades Jose Ramon Machado Ventura and Esteban Lazo Hernandez, members of the Political Bureau.
6. I delegate, on a provisional basis, my functions as principal promoter of the national program of the energy revolution in Cuba, and cooperation with other countries on this field, upon comrade Carlos Lage Davila, member of the Political Bureau and Secretary of the Executive Committee of the Council of Ministers.
If I was Raul I'd be like, "Oh, so I'm only half the bad hombre you are, you intestinal bleeder, you brokeback tourista, you death's-door reposeur. Commandante used to hold out in mountain fastnesses, and now his mountainess fatassness can't withstand a long weekend of chauffered sightseeing and catered attitudenizing. I'm good enough to run the counry, the party and the army but not your mumbo jumbo energy revolution. Old scraggle-puss is the only Castro Ruz who gets to play doctor, teacher and scientist too. "Provisional basis" my sweet ass, you provisional deadman."
5:03 PM
Sunday, July 30, 2006
If Gertrude Stein Wrote Yahoo's Headlines for Yahoos as Gertrude Stein
The 81-year-old father of U.S. Sen. Norm Coleman was cited for lewd conduct and indecent exposure Tuesday for allegedly having sex in a vehicle with a 38-year-old woman, according to a police report.
Police responded to a call early Tuesday evening and arrested Norman Bertram Coleman Sr. and the woman, Patrizia Marie Schrag of St. Paul, outside a pizza restaurant on the eastern edge of downtown St. Paul.
...Sen. Coleman, R-Minn., issued a statement Wednesday that said:
"I love my father dearly. I do not condone his actions or behavior, and I am deeply disturbed by what I have learned. He clearly has some issues that need to be dealt with, and I will encourage him to seek the necessary help."
