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The Public Blogging of Pomosexuality, Homotextuality, Homophobiaphilia, and Drear Theory (aka Career Theory) [aka Gay4Pay]. We also read the Corner and OpJournal so the right buttock will be punished as well. All comments subject to publication. Or dismissal. Or Both.


Your Disciplinarians: Glenda Benda (Philapa), Amber Waves (Kansaster), Polly Morpheus (Dreamsville), Tess Tosterone (D'Urbervilles)



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Cranky. P.
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Agenda Bender
Saturday, April 05, 2003  

When Hollywood Ran Our Of Titles...

And just generally stopped believing in itself, it started making movies like Tension at Table Rock. But when you stop caring you free yourself in other ways. The TV cowboys were whooping movie cowboy ass the year Table Rock got Tense, 1956. But the big screen cowpokes had the color ace up their sleeve, and that ace was purple and the sleeve sky blue. On my TV anyway.

I'm watching T.a.T.R. (Tinseltown in T.a.T.R.s) on TCM while taking a break from running the war on Fox, MSNBC and CNN: The cowardly sheriff who'd rather be mocked by everyone in town than return to 16 hour days on the farm. The sheriff's wife, Dorothy Malone, who's packing more double barreled fire power than all the bad guys combined. The gunslinger turned reluctant goodguy who shames the sheriff back to bravery by staring down Dorothy's double barrels, unblinking and uncowed.*

Yeah, they should have called the movie Uncowed.

Or Anxiety at Hanging Tree.

Big Headache at Tangled Snake

Duress at Durango

Under Stress Way Out West

I return now to Centcomm having learned a thing or two about courage under fire and the color palette possibilities of the old west.

*I came to the Table Rock party half way through, so I missed Angie Dickinson's cowgirl/badgirl ingénue turn. It's briefly on display in the trailer linked above.

1:59 PM

Friday, April 04, 2003

Three, Possibly Four, Jokes

These jokes are from a 12 year old girl:

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A Lickalottapus

Mothers have Mother's Day, Fathers have Father's Day. What do bacehlors have?

Palm Sunday

And this joke is from a 25 year old man:

What has one horn, rides up and down the street and gives milk?

A milk truck.

More on lesbian dinosaurs here.

12:30 AM

Thursday, April 03, 2003

Your Thick Plantations

Followed a Sullivan link to an Al Ahram roundtable discussion featuring Edward Said. Said always makes me smile. There's something about the unself-awareness of academic intellectuals that is just endlessly amusing, and Said is a true master of the form. His pan is deader than Keaton's, his rollerskating turns at the edge of the abyss are more comically oblivious than Chaplins's, his slippery hold on the hands of time is more hilarious even than Harold Lloyd's.

The article ends with a paragraph which is funny in several ways. No doubt the mistake in it is the transcriber's and not Said's:

"As against that our voices are never heard. Al- Ahram Weekly is one of the few things that people read, and it is having an effect, slowly. So cowed and so frightened has the US press become that even when Robert Burns gave his great Senate speech a month ago it wasn't reported. You couldn't find it in the NYT. It's unbelievable, there's such an atmosphere of fear, so the only thing left are the alternative radio stations, alternative publications, and if you follow them, and establish some kind of relationship, I think that's where the action is. And that's why the Weekly is a fantastic resource. Many Americans read it. They read your columnists as alternatives to what they get in America."

Damn the media blackout! Agenda Bender turns on the lights, and the vermin scurry. Excerpts from Robert Burn's (D.-Highlands) speech in the US Senate (full text here):

Ye ugly, creepin, blastit wonner,
Detested, shunn'd by saunt an' sinner,
How daur ye set your fit upon her-
Sae fine a lady?
Gae somewhere else and seek your dinner
On some poor body.

Swith! in some beggar's haffet squattle;
There ye may creep, and sprawl, and sprattle,
Wi' ither kindred, jumping cattle,
In shoals and nations;
Whaur horn nor bane ne'er daur unsettle
Your thick plantations

I weep for Al Ahramerica. From laughing.

1:34 PM

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

In the Bar of a Vilnius Hotel

I just finished a book called Boyopolis by Stan Persky. The book was titled First We Take Berlin in the rest of the world, but they sexed it up for its US release. It's a travelogue of post communist eastern Europe written by a recovering leftie philosophy professor who has an eye for the boys. Less of an eye than the title promises really, it's pretty much only in Berlin that our tour guide gets any. Beyond that, what can I say? It's good in the same way any book by an intelligent traveler is good. He meets interesting people in faraway places with good stories to tell. And he throws in a few of his own (the story of his return from military service and the question his dad asked him is one of a kind--it's the scene they left out of The Best Years of Our Lives, and every other warrior-returns movie ever made). He encounters heroes and goats in Tirana, Budapest, Zagreb and Warsaw, and he finds the gay bar at the end of the world in Vilnius.

I'd never heard of Persky before reading the book. Apparently he has some fame in Canada as a columnist and literary sort (Chicago born and raised though.) If you want to a taste of Persky he has some recent work archived here. This is a good place to start. Truly a fable for our times.

4:23 PM

Monday, March 31, 2003

His Own Political Imaginations

I got involved in a comments war over at Hit and Run a few weeks back. The best part of the thread was the hapless dude who invoked some version of the old routine that Arabs can't be anti-Semites since they are themselves Semites and who then defended that chestnut against all the ravenous squirrels (myself included) who came to snack upon his offering.

Nicholas DeGenova, the Columbia associate prof who is asking the Easter Bunny for "a million Mogadishus" in his candy basket this year, gives us his update on the standard canard in his letter to the Columbia Spectator that undecontextualizes (which is to say he wrote the letter in his underwear) his plea for peace and mass murder:

Is this a tirade against 'anything and everything American'? Far from it. First, I hasten to remind you that 'American' refers to all of the Americas, not merely to the United States, as U.S. imperial chauvinism would have it. More importantly, my rejection of U.S. nationalism is an appeal to liberate our own political imaginations such that we might usher in a radically different world in which we will not remain the prisoners of U.S. global domination.

You can't be anti-American if you love Bolivian handicrafts. Capice?

3:53 PM


Man Barks Dog

Humans free to act like dogs:

Court: Man Can Bark at Police Dog
ATHENS, Ohio - A man was using his free speech rights when he barked back at a police dog, a state appeals court has ruled.

Dogs not free to act like humans:

Top Pooch in Facelift Scandal?
LONDON (Reuters) - The canine winner of the world's biggest dog show may be stripped of its title after being accused of having a secret facelift, the Times newspaper reported on Monday.

...Nips and tucks are banned under the show's strict rules and winners found to have gone under the knife can be stripped of their title...

11:51 AM