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Agenda Bender
 
Thursday, April 29, 2004  

You May Purchase These


Three records I have enjoyed very much in the last few weeks. None of them is particularly new, but they were unheard by me till recently. I played each one of them incessantly for days. I am still in the midst of my Air orgy.

Los Lobos Good Morning Aztlan
Guided By Voices Universal Truths and Cycles
Air 10,000hz Legend

I did the Amazon associate thing for about a week once, but since I've never bought anything from that fierce woman (and doubt I ever will), and since linking through my associate's account was such a crushing burden, I will leave these unlinked. Investigate them in whatever manner you desire, then buy, borrow, or lease them however you wish. But they really are good.

8:36 AM

Wednesday, April 28, 2004
 

In an E-Pimp Mood


My buddy, uh, I guess I'm not supposed to say his name, well, he needs some money, and he's willing to work for it. So he is now available for live webcam "chat" at Imlive.com, which claims to be your online source for live video expert opinion and advice. There is a varied list of specialties on Imlive's homepage, along these lines:

Art & Music
Art History, Art Appreciation,
Music History, Music Appreciation...

Legal Advice
Divorce, Bankruptcy, Will, Lawsuits, Small Claims...

Religion & Beliefs
Christianity, Catholicism, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism...


Apparently, though, there's not much of a market for streaming video chat instruction in Music Appreciation and Small Claims, since most of Imlive's hosts are clustered under another heading:

Sexual Stress-Relief
Live Webcams...
For adults only! Must be 18 or over


Which is where you will find my pal. First you sign up for the free membership. Be sure to put my friend's name in as referrer, since he probably gets some points for that. And then search for him among the hosts. If he's online and available he'll entertain you for a half an hour for hmmm, something like 50 bucks I think. You can ask to be notified when he is online and they'll track you down to inform you when he's available. You can look at his little gallery of pics in the meantime, he's only been doing it for a week so the pics aren't very extensive yet. His chat name for the purposes of Imlive is hardcuteteen, a name which is fully descriptive and scrupulously honest in all its particulars. To give you an idea how cute, hard and teenish he is, when he first told me he was gonna do this I said I'd be glad to plug it here, if he thought that would do him any good. He said he would appreciate that and he told me his name was going to be cutehardteen, turning the actual name inside out in the cutest, hardest, teen way imaginable. So remember, it is really HARDCUTETEEN.

He's a very nice dude, and his story is a terrific one. So after he follows your instructions, if there are any minutes left, ask him to tell it to you. It alone is worth much more than $50. Of course, it would fill many half hours, so it will cost you much more than $50, too. But again, a bargain, no matter long you have to keep feeding the meter. And it will help Hardcute buy whatever it is he doesn't have and is saving up for, which is a mystery with no ready answer to my eyes. You know, if there's still time left on your dime, you could ask him that question for me. I should get something out of this operation.

Just to cover the rest of this page's demographic I should mention another even closer friend's page. Angela is already a legend, she's been doing this since Hard Cuteteen was already cute but barely a teen. She's busy, but I'm sure she has room for a select few new clients.

Go here if you answer yes to any of the questions below:

Do you long to be verbally humiliated by a cruel Mistress, your Superior in every way?

Do you crave a powerful and beautiful Woman who will administer the precise discipline and training necessary to become an obedient slave?

Do you quiver at the thought of being stripped of your useless manhood, transformed into the sissy slut you were always meant to be?

Does the little boy inside ache at the thought of being enveloped, coddled and punished by a stern yet tender Mommy?

I, Mistress Angela, can fulfill all of these desires, yearnings and needs.



8:29 AM

Tuesday, April 27, 2004
 

Some Similes Suck Like A Crack Whore With Two Dollars Left


The WaPo is following red and blue smurfs around, bedeviling them with beltway sympathy and vivisecting them with rusty j-school implements:

...an election in which four of the voters will be the Harrisons of San Francisco, who know that in their version of America, the Blue version, some days can feel as bright as a pink feather boa and other days as dark as a bruise.

From a 1954 Wapo explication of the divergent reality of black smurfs and white smurfs:

...an election in which four of the voters will be the Johnsons of Detroit, who know that in their version of America, the black version, some days seem as shiny as new tap shoes and other days as grimy as a head wound bandage.

11:57 AM

Monday, April 26, 2004
 

The Sibling News: Maniac Calls Brother Weirdo


Kevin Sapcey's spacier bro proves definitively that there really is something to that genetics stuff. It doesn't get more scarily hilarious than this. His brother's diary keeper:

"I've got over 1,000 photos," he said. "I've been obsessive about this. I've got his diaries and the full story."

Oh wait, it does get more scarily hilarious. It's called aiming low and knowing it, but really not. We are all of us are in the gutter, but one of us is licking up the tar:

"I'm looking for 15 minutes of fame and this book will give me that," he said. "I have never in the past used his name for my own career but hopefully this will help put me back on tour."

Drudge linked this, but his link died. I have reanimated it.

10:54 AM

 

This Doll Runs On Double A's


Thousands Turn Out For Anti-Implant Rally in Nation's Capital

(Told ya so.)


8:55 AM

 

Dong For Europe


From an article about the failed referendum on the EU-UN reunification plan for Cyprus:

EU Enlargement Commissioner Guenter Verheugen, who worked hard to avoid the EU importing the 30-year-old conflict, told Deutschlandfunk radio: "The overall result is extremely negative for both sides."

Guenter is entitled to his opinion, and it's fine by me if he wants to knock himself out expressing his disappointment to Deutschlandfunk, rap, rock, pop and polka. I will even go so far as to congratulate him on his job, quite a feather in your cap and a sock in your pants to win that seat on the commission.

I just wish he stop sending me all those EU enlargement emails, commissioner or not.

(This post will be hard to beat for stupidest of the week. But I've been underestimated before.)



8:34 AM

Sunday, April 25, 2004
 

We Fix A Song


It's been forty days since I stopped counting the days...
---line form a song on a Bonnie Raitt album I heard for the first time Saturday night.

This might be an old joke, though Google found me only one other version of it ("it's been five days since I stopped counting the days since she left me"). But it's such a funny, sad and clever joke--to chronic sentimentalists in denial, anyway. I am, of course, referring to you.

There is a problem with the line in the form that Bonnie sings it, however. Forty days is a forbidden from use by its overpowerful association. So that must be changed. The temptation is to make the time frame more tellingly specific, say, thirty-nine days. But that calls too much attention to the joke (just as forty days calls too much attention to itself). Twenty and thirty both sound weak from overuse to me, they don't have forty's tremendous association, they're just trifling and common. Five days is too short a period of time, it robs the claim to closure of too much of its absurdity. I like the five, though. It's not round, but it seems to me the least noticeably specific integer from one to nine. Maybe because of it's special status has half of ten. I settle on fifteen.

Capitol must now recall the record and repair the factory defect.


5:46 AM