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The Public Blogging of Pomosexuality, Homotextuality, Homophobiaphilia, and Drear Theory (aka Career Theory) [aka Gay4Pay]. We also read the Corner and OpJournal so the right buttock will be punished as well.
All comments subject to publication. Or dismissal. Or Both.
Well, I guess you've all heard about my star-crossed honeymoon in NYC by now. I only went because I believed he had booked us in the bridal suite af the Doubletree. I must have been busy typing, or fact-checking one of my posts, since he swears what he really said to me was, "we'll just look for a tree near the bridle path". So crown me Miss Understanding 2004.
(Not laughing yet? Same story, but this time the photo caption maneuver.)
(Reuters) - An asteroid may have wiped out the dinosaurs 65 million years ago not simply by changing the world's climate and causing years of dark skies, but also by causing too many of them to be born male, U.S. and British researchers said on Tuesday.
We're All Just Throwaway Lines in the Universal Conversation
I'm a Gmail beta user. Blogger users have been given first shot. Google owns me everywhere on earth. I like the feeling. Write me at my new Gmail account and congratulate me on my eager servitude to the planetary overmind. So far I've only received my welcome letter from the Gmail Team. Dig the opening:
First off, welcome. And thanks for agreeing to help us test Gmail.
Imagine my disappointment when the next paragraph didn't begin, Second off. I like the folksy, semi-literate vibe though. Good to know the real tech guys are running the show.
Dig the closing, too:
You're one of the very first people to use Gmail. Your input will help determine how it evolves, so we encourage you to send your feedback, suggestions and questions to us. But mostly, we hope you'll enjoy experimenting with Google's approach to email.
The Gmail Team
Speedy delivery, not exactly theAcademy Fight Song, but maybe it gets some esprit percolating among the corps. Seems kinda late in the email game to be pushing the sure-is-fast angle, though.
One gig of free storage, too. Send me high res dirty pix! Gmail don't care! It's all part of the conversation:
The Gmail way Each message you send is grouped with all the responses you receive.
Grouping related messages creates meaningful 'conversations.' When you open a message in a conversation, all of your messages will be stacked neatly on top of each other, like a deck of cards. We call this 'Conversation View.' As new replies arrive, your stack of cards grows. Grouping messages this way allows you to quickly retrieve related messages and view all your messages in context.
Oh, my deck of cards is always growing. If you stacked them all on top of each other, they would reach for your wallet. If you laid them end to end, you wouldn't be the first. They might not be appropriate for the bridge club, but they're meaningful like you wouldn't believe.
It must refer to something, there must be a joke sleeping in there somewhere, but I've given many seconds to deciphering its mysteries over the course of the day, with no success. I'm surprised no one reformatted Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil on the occasion of its star's nearly midnight misunderstanding in a near garden. Midnight in the Garden of Dogs and Free Will is the best I could do. It's such a ludicrous stretch and makes such a back-handed imputation that any headline writer should be fired for using it, but I am fire-proof here, so I stretch and impute at my leisure.
Attention must now turn to the cell phone absconder, the flipnapper, the mobile phony, the no account Nokia nicker. Since it appears not to be a crime in Britain to run off with someone's cell phone after they lend it to you in a city park early in the morning (else why would all the stories report that the police have no interest in pursuing a criminal investigation of the matter), the celly-snatcher has no incentive to keep his identity secret. The UK tabs have every incentive to find him and pay him for his version of the events. So the most pressing question today is which paper will print his face and story on the front page first. And secondarily (ok, I admit it, this is the primary concern) will he be cute? I mean lend-him-your-cell-phone-in-a-park-at-four-in-the-morning cute.
And finally, what will the headline be? Feel free to work on this, my fleet street bruvvers, my fellow yellow-blooded bit stained wretches:
"Me Mum's Worried Somefing Awful", He Sobbed.
The Oscar Worthy Performance That Won Him the Oscar Winner's Trophy Phone!
I have no idea what the implication is, or even this is what the Guardian meant to refer to, but the first thing I thought of is a Sherlock Holmes story. From memory: Holmes says that the key to solving the murder is understanding the dog barking in the night-time. And Watson says, "But the dog *didn't* bark!" And Holmes replies, "Precisely."
I thought Mark was wrong at first, but the ref did raise such a good point that I reconsidered. What did happen to the dog in all this? Most dogs could catch any fleeing human. Or did Spacey keep hold of the leash when he ran and fell? (Maybe Spacey really does know how to walk the dog.) Was the dog with him at the police station? Could the dog ID the thief?
I had originally googled the phrase "and the dog in the night-time" when I couldn't think of what the Guardian was going for. I mostly got hits for the Guardian piece itself and a journal article on psychopharamcolgy. There were no links to Holmes.
Mark's letter made me think, so I dropped the "and" and re-googled it. Many Holmes' hits. But even more to a recent novel that itself refs the Holmes' case in its title, which is why I'm guessing the Guardian thought the phrase was current enough to support their Spacey joke. I think all the referents in my head are strong enough to support any of my jokes, so I can hardly fault them.
I just read eight stories about Kevin Spacey's non-mugging in London. Five of them made some reference to the possible subtext of the incident. Only two of them gave the actual name of the park in which whatever happened happened. It is the Geraldine Mary Harmsworth Park in Lambeth. If it is not a cruising park (a possibility that ignores the truism that ALL parks are cruising parks, especially at 4am), it is not for want of having an excellent name for same. Most shockingly, only one of the stories quoted Spacey's full (revised) account of his encounter. No other story reported Spacey's claim that he dialed the lad's mom himself. Apparently no one even thought to ask Spacey whether he asked the boy's mother for 15 cents. British journalism is surely in decline:
Spacey said: "What actually happened is, I fell for a con. And I was, I think, incredibly embarrassed by it. Some sob story about somebody needing to call their mother and could they use my phone.
"It was such a good con, that I actually dialled the number myself and when somebody answered I then finally handed (over) my phone. And this kid took off and I was so upset I ran after him.
"It was late in the morning and I was walking my dog, it was about 4am, and I tripped up over my dog, and I ended up falling on to the street and hitting myself in the head.
"And now I'm bleeding relatively profusely, I'm extremely upset, I feel like the biggest fool that has ever lived. I march over to the police station and I say I got mugged
...Asked what he was doing in the park at 4am. He said: "You know walking your dog in the park is a perfectly normal thing to do, but you know I think that they are always trying to, you know, (say) 'What was he doing in that park at 4.30am?'. My doggy had to go!"
Sean K. has resigned our Tokyo bureau, painted over the Agenda Bender logo (the crossed hammer and powerdrill) on the office door, hijacked all of our Asian clients, and has started a news organization of his own. He is too clever by half though, little realizing that our office is mortgaged to the max, the furniture is all rented and that rent is months overdue, and our clients have remained clients only in forlorn hope of recouping some part of the numerous advances we have finagled out of them over the years.
In revenge we have seen to it that his boyfriend was transferred out of Tokyo.
There's a reason our logo is the crossed hammer and powerdrill, and it has nothing to do with amateur carpentry.