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The Public Blogging of Pomosexuality, Homotextuality, Homophobiaphilia, and Drear Theory (aka Career Theory) [aka Gay4Pay]. We also read the Corner and OpJournal so the right buttock will be punished as well. All comments subject to publication. Or dismissal. Or Both.


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Agenda Bender
Saturday, December 20, 2003  

A Holiday Thought

'Tis the season to be reminded of this fugitive quote. I heard it years ago from Richard R.-- my ol' gay, former-commie-activist, 'Nam-era army veteran, Liz Taylor-worshipping, German-speaking, history/theory/philosophy drenched, African American friend (Richard would have made an even more interesting Lee Harvey Oswald than Lee Harvey Oswald was). He said it was from Maugham, but I've googled many forms of it without ever finding anything close to it, by Maugham or anyone else. You always get the Oscar Levant quote, "Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath." But this one is much more provocative:

Homosexuals can always tell tinsel from gold, they just prefer the tinsel.

12:41 PM

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Bush Can't Hold Alleged 'Dirty Bomb' Suspect

Let me hold him then. My new alleged dirty bomber boyfriend.

Or should I put this picture in my wallet? His hooded eyes, his checkered hood.

Or this one. His hooded eyes, his checkered past.

6:27 PM


The First Blush of Death

Self-Refuting Hall of Fame, Spam Division Champ

The spam header read:

The beauty of youth can be yours again jmmmjmao puejrol eo

The gibberish at the end was charming enough to turn the spam guards head, so it got through.

How can the beauty of youth be yours again? But of course, HGH. Let these reborn beautiful youths stand witness to its rejuvenating powers:

Bob Hope, JFK, Marilyn Monroe, Wayne Newton, Dick Clark, Queen Elizabeth, George Burns, Cher, Rod Stewart Celebrities, Politicians, Athletes, and even Doctors

Have used HGH with great success to be the best they could possibly be.

10:10 AM


Godel, Keaton, Twain

I know the funniest person in the world. Let's call him M. I can prove to you he is the funniest person (at least I've convinced myself with this proof I've devised).

You have just heard the funniest thing in the world (perhaps even the legendary killing joke, which no one lives to repeat). M. is there with you. Five seconds into your fit of laughter, he turns to you in his low-boiling-point-angry-way and says, "What? What? What's so funny? I don't get it". This then becomes the funniest thing ever said, it will always trump the otherwise funniest thing ever said.

Ergo, M. is the funniest person in the world.

9:47 AM

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Thanks, Paris

Zoolander is a funny movie. I bring you this news more than two years after its release. I know it's over two years because I remember it opened in the weeks just after 9/11. It made the news at the time because there were images of the twin towers in the movie that they decided to cut before its debut. I'm wondering if the movie wasn't as big a hit as it should have been because of the timing of its release. I found it as funny a movie as the Austin Powers flicks.

My most amusing niece has been a big fan since it was released, I gave her a huge Zoolander poster last Christmas. The poster is funny too. Ben Stiller in an absurd glamour contortion giving us Zoolander's Blue Steel stare full force. I've been doing Blue Steel compulsively since I saw the movie over the weekend. I'm doing it now. I'm going to attempt the complete face-on-the-floor-and-feet-climbing-the-wall pose on Christmas morning. My gift to the world.

I have also repeated Will Farrell's catch-phrase from the movie about a thousand times (everytime to myself alone) in the last couple days. I need to say it here, knowing it will mean nothing to anyone who hasn't seen the movie (just as the title of this post won't). But I can't stop myself:

Hansel, he's so HOT right now.

More somberly, I close with a big R.I.P. shoutout to Rufus, Brint, and Meekus. Gasoline fights are such a simple pleasure, so it's especially tragic when they go wrong.

I'm still doing Blue Steel, btw.

1:40 AM

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Swedish Thug 4 Life

Boing Boing linked this page of geek tatoos. The Quake logo, bar code branding and binary armbands seem to dominate. But I'll save you the trouble and link the best pic from the site. It is a little funny and a little sexy. Both in a dumb way. And an excuse to link some male flesh in rearview half-nakedness--been a real skin drought on this page lately.

With some needle and ink magic he can always change it to EVOLVE when he's 30.

12:53 AM

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Insert Trash-Pop Ref. Here

There are 15 or so new links added down the left side of this page. I've slotted them into already existing perfume categories, instead of creating a new one (life is full of disappointments). If you read all these pages regularly, you would be very lonely but surpassingly smart. If you further followed all the links from these pages, you would suck all available light and remaining time from the universe. I read some of these pages a lot, some occasionally and some hardly at all, but most of them I visited regularly at some point.

I only eliminated one previous link, Junius by name, he has stopped updating his page. Crooked Timber has fallen upon him, sorry to say. Group blogs are generally a bad idea, C. Timber is the bad idea made wood. The Corner and Hit and Run work better than most because they usually consist of short dispatches from the nodes of the group mind. Long posts on those pages look something like bad manners and something like madness.

Group blogs that aggregate pontifcators quickly become unreadable through congenital unwieldiness. Brief posts on their pages look very like the face of god. Disaggregation is your only salvation, Junius.

The banner at the Free Junius rally:

Climb Back Into Your Own Bag, Dad, Disunite And, Yes, Disag!

God O'Machine previously noted Crooked T.'s peculiar unattractiveness (it begins for me with its name, which, like the blog itself, should work but doesn't). God, Eve Tushnet and others have also noted the deadening vibe that Reason mag too often radiates these days. Eve pretty much diagnosed the source, but I'll add my second opinion: Reason is suffering from a pretend playful pop hipness that feels more like winter in a mandatory zeitgeist re-adjustment camp.

Hit and Run, Reason's team blog, gives us three recent examples of the disorder from its two greatest exemplars:

First Tim Cavanaugh makes with the butter knife edgy title, then proceeds to superfluous pop references, and finally skids into the haha vernacular wall.

Cut the Shi'ite
Drudge reports that Michael Eisner called Steve Jobs and two Disney board members "Shiite Muslims," apparently an accusation that they were extreme in their views. I suppose the Disney Chairman's failure to head off the Treasure Planet debacle was evidence that he's not quite as together as he once was, but just how out of it can Eisner be? Doesn't he realize that the Shi'ites are our pals these days? Hey Mike, the only extremists are in the Sunni Triangle. (It's like that place where the Navy planes disappeared in Close Encounters.) The Shi'ites are the ones we liberated, dummy. Now it's all about politickin', fatwa-issuin', head-cuttin' fun, Shi'a-style! Get with the program!

Also from Tim C. (or D.C. Cav, as I now call him) this revision of the formula. Start with the left-field and who-cares-anyway pop ref, next vernacularize Thoreau's name to zero comic effect, then hit us with the mojo club.

D.C. Cab
New at Reason: "[T]his government never of itself furthered any enterprise," says Hank Thoreau, "but by the alacrity with which it got out of its way. It does not keep the country free. It does not settle the West. It does noteducate. The character inherent in the American people has done all that has been accomplished; and it would have done somewhat more, if the government had not sometimes got in its way."

So why do we care what the candidates talk about in the debates? The real mojo never comes from the campaign. Jesse Walker cites chapter and verse.

Nick Gillespie pushes the fun, fun, fun into underdrive with his habitual interlocking pop refs. Boilerplate for our time. You see, it's just FUNNY to even mention Facts of Life, funnier still to namecheck a specific episode. Most hilarious of all (in exploded theory) is the meta-wit of subverting a journal of ideas with all these trashy shout-outs. But it reads like trash compacting, dyslexic camp, leaden rascality and mechanical winking.

We'll give Nick a pass on that nonsensical between in the first sentence (just has to be a typo), but the rest of this is die cast Gillespie. The second paragraph is a complete mess and can't even be rescued by any possible typo defense. Parse it at your own risk. Mr. Gillespie is the editor, by the way:

Australian for Ballbreaker, Mate
In a move that threatens to put the final nail in the coffin between America's love affair with Australia (the death of which began with The Facts of Life girls going Downunder and the release of Crocodile Dundee II), Australia's Labor Party now has a leader who once referred to Liberal Prime Minister John Howard as an "arselicker."

Beyond a Mad Max-style of speaking, John Latham is famous for breaking the arm of a taxi driver during an argument over a fare. He's also outspoken, if a little less anatomically observant, of President Bush, calling the Texan "the most incompetent and dangerous president in living memory" and "flaky, incompetent, and dangerous."

It's unclear what chance Latham (who has said, "I hope my little boy hates a Liberal prime minister who sells out our national interest") has to become prime minister himself, or what influence he'll exert over Aussie-US relations.

Significantly less unclear is the nature of Mr Gillespie's influence on editor-subscriber relations. This subscriber, anyway.

8:22 AM