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The Public Blogging of Pomosexuality, Homotextuality, Homophobiaphilia, and Drear Theory (aka Career Theory) [aka Gay4Pay]. We also read the Corner and OpJournal so the right buttock will be punished as well. All comments subject to publication. Or dismissal. Or Both.


Your Disciplinarians: Glenda Benda (Philapa), Amber Waves (Kansaster), Polly Morpheus (Dreamsville), Tess Tosterone (D'Urbervilles)



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Agenda Bender
Saturday, July 10, 2004  

Love's Condition

A Poem by The New York Times, The Telegraph, and Myself:

the culmination of a day

blinds up
4th floor apartment
40th birthday
paparazzi (singing)

blinds down
bottles (thrown)
police (twice)
a california warrant


custody battle


no comment

9:02 PM

Friday, July 09, 2004

The Man Who Was Tuesday

John Kerry should have sent me a free ticket. Then I would have paid him and the DNC $8,000,000 to call the whole thing off. They would have netted more than the show brought in, and 5,500 human souls would have been spared the torture of:

Wyclef Jean
Paul Newman
Meryl Streep
Whoopi Goldberg
Jon Bon Jovi
The Dave Matthews Band
John Fogerty
John Mellencamp
Chevy Chase
John Leguizamo
Jessica Lange
Sarah Jessica Parker

What an evening of nevertainment. It might have been fun to play some kind of douche chill drinking game in the audience, but I doubt Radio City Music Hall would have let you carry in hard liquor in the quantities necessary to keep up with (and smooth over) the psychic shudders.

I wonder if Wyclef reprised that wytless song fragment he sang on the Dave Chapelle Show:

If I was President, I'd be elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday, buried on Sunday...

Way to nail down the particulars, Wyclef. And like our Savior, you'd probably rise again on Halloween morning.

I'll say this for the Wy man though, on average everyone at one of his shows will leave well satisfied. That is, if you first add in Wyclef's own self-satisfaction with his performance before you calculate the averages.

Anyway, W.J., don't be afraid, go ahead and run. I think you're safe. If you didn't get whacked for The Carnival, I figure you won't get hit for any lesser offense.

*I leave only Mary J. Blige off the list. She was at least within pissing distance of relevant.

In 2000.

2:02 AM

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Three Who Knew Too Much

Two things grab you in this story of the arrest of a 14 year-old boy suspected of murdering three people on Sam Donaldson's New Mexico ranch.

1. The boy's name. Cody Posey. Hot.

2. And the fact that, "Donaldson, a journalist with ABC since 1967, owns three ranches in south-central New Mexico and has extensive ties to the state. He grew up on a cotton farm in New Mexico and graduated from New Mexico Military Institute in Roswell."

I think Sam's ties to Roswell go a lot deeper than merely graduating from military school there. Like first landing in the desert nearby in 1947, then mixing in with the simple folk who lived in those parts, studying the ways of earthmen, grooming and ingratiating himself. Twenty years later he's comfortable enough with the planetary gravity to walk into ABC without giving the game away.

Isn't that closer to it, Sam?

And now you have cowpoke kid doing your bidding. Monster.

What's the matter, his dad walk in one day without knocking and see the tentacles?

I'm calling you out, spacegeek.

You just got served, Mothrafuckah.

12:45 AM

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

The Fr. Maurice Grammond Memorial Lap Pool

I drive a friend's mom to her late shift nursing job several times a month. Not so much recently though, since she keeps getting temporarily laid off. The hospital she has worked at for 35 years is being transformed into an extended care facility. It was sold last year by the Philly diocese to help pay off civil suit settlements and judgments arising from priest sex abuse cases. A lot of the old staff with less seniority have already been let go for good.

Orgasms have the darndest consequences. And very often consequences fall elsewhere than on the orgasmic.

The Archdiocese of Portland is in hock from the defrayed costs of keeping (the late) Father Maurice Grammond in clerical garment fasteners. The altar boys were so eager to get at him they kept popping the buttons off his cassock and busting his zippers to get into his pants. Or so the deponent depondeth:

PORTLAND, Ore. - The Portland Archdiocese said Tuesday that it will file for bankruptcy because of the steep costs from clergy sex abuse lawsuits, an unprecedented step that would open the Roman Catholic archdiocese to new levels of court scrutiny

No other American diocese has filed for bankruptcy, though Boston threatened to do so at the height of the abuse crisis that began there two years ago. The Diocese of Tucson, Ariz., has said it will decide whether to seek court protection before an abuse trial there in September.

Portland's Chapter 11 bankruptcy filing, planned for Tuesday afternoon,halted the trial of a lawsuit against the late Rev. Maurice Grammond, who was accused of molesting more than 50 boys in the 1980s. Grammond died in 2002.

Plaintiffs in the two lawsuits involving Grammond have sought a total of more than $160 million. The archdiocese and its insurers already have paid more than $53 million over 50 years to settle more than 130 claims by people who say they were abused by priests.

....Archbishop John G. Vlazny said the archdiocese tried to settle with the plaintiffs, but could not afford their offer.

"The pot of gold is pretty much empty right now," Vlazny said.

Plaintiffs' attorney David Slader countered that the church was simply trying to avoid the details of the lawsuits coming out in court. "The bishop mhasn't begun to touch his pot. He is lying," Slader said.

The archdiocese owns over $500 million in tax-assessed properties, Slader said, and also has many investments, but he could not disclose the estimated value of those due to court-ordered confidentiality.

...Grammond served as a priest throughout the state from 1950 to 1985, when he took sick leave. Allegations of sexual abuse against Grammond were first reported in 1991, but the charges didn't become public until 1999 when a former altar boy sued him and the archdiocese. Grammond was suspended when he refused to fully cooperate in the church investigation.

In a deposition taken before his death, Grammond said, "I'd say these children abused me. They'd dive in my lap to get sexual excitement."

4:21 AM

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Smoking a Fag, Kissing a Man

Pitchfork's list of the best 100 albums of the 70's is dance music illiterate (no Chic, to mention le freakiest omission, no Disco Shirley, nothing from the heyday of KC's Florida sound, say George McCrae's Rock Your Baby), but I wouldn't disagree that these are mostly terrific records.

I kept score while going through the list, I had eighty-one of the hundred records that made the cut. Most of those I didn't own would be clustered near the top of the list if it was ranked according to sales. My favorites would all be clustered at the bottom, right next to Cluster. My quest for the unpopular is longstanding and ongoing.

The list earns its spurs, its varsity letter and a reprieve from the governor by giving a spot to each of the first three Wire records (Pink Flag, Chairs Missing, and 154). It looks like you have to buy them separately, you'd think they'd be boxed together by now, but separate or boxed, you really should have them all. They are so excruciatingly good. I can't imagine not knowing them, or not enjoying them if you come to know them now. I am doing you such a favor by telling you about them, if you don't already know. What a guy am I.

Update: Yes! There is a box set of the three. No! It is a pricey import. Maybe! But it looks gorgeous and I am in love with idea of someone getting this set and hearing it all for the first time. So someone please do this, then tell me you did.

6:08 AM

Monday, July 05, 2004

There's Something About Simon Crean's Dad

Intriguing Aussie slang from a news story about the emotional response of the leader of the Australian Labor Party to politically motivated personal attacks. I highlighted the kangologisms:

...Amid intense scrutiny of his personal life, Mr Latham decided to clear the air. In doing so, he discussed previously unpublished material.

Red-faced and at times choking back tears, Mr Latham:

...CLAIMED a raunchy buck's night video from one of his two marriages did not exist.

...REJECTED a report that suggested he had broken someone's collarbone during a campaign as not true, along with reports last week that he had king-hit a truck driver...

It looks like it's a family values campaign on all sides down in the penal colony with surfing:

..."As these rumours are circulated by my first wife, and some people in the media repeat them, would you lay off my family," he said.

"Things have been put to me about my sisters, my mother, my father that are not true and they don't deserve it...

...The Labor leader also stepped back from his parliamentary attacks on Health Minister Tony Abbott for fathering a child born out of wedlock, claiming they were a response to Mr Abbott's attacks on Labor families.

"(He was) saying there was something wrong with Simon Crean's dad, and Kim Beazley's dad and we just made a judgment that if he wants to talk about our families then we will talk about his," Mr Latham said.

11:53 AM

Sunday, July 04, 2004

PC Dominance Issues

The highwater mark for critical Windows updates:

Critical update for (KB970669)
An issue has been identified that could allow an attacker to compromise a computer running Windows and gain complete control over it.

10:29 PM