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Che's House Lands on Fidel, Raul Gets the Ruby Slippers
Clinton is so promiscuous that Raul Castro must be gay.
The likely as not ghostwritten prologue: As a result of the enormous effort [I] made to visit the Argentine city of Cordoba to participate in the reunion of Mercosur, in the closing ceremony of the Summit of the Peoples at the historic University of Cordoba, and in the visit to Altagracia, the city where Che spent his childhood, and, along with all this, to attend immediately the commemoration of the 53rd anniversary of the assault on the barracks at Moncada and Carlos Manuel de Cespedes on July 26, 1953, in the provinces of Granma and Holguin, days and nights of continuous work, barely able to sleep, my health, which has withstood all trials, was subjected to extreme stress and broke down.
This provoked an acute intestinal crisis, with sustained bleeding, that obliged me to face a complicated surgical operation. All details of this health accident are evident in the X-rays, endoscopies, and filmed materials. The operation obliges me to spend several weeks in repose, away from my responsibilities and duties.
The particulars of Fidel's revolutionary bequest:
1. I delegate, on a provisional basis, my functions as First Secretary of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of Cuba upon the Second Secretary, comrade Raul Castro Ruz.
2. I delegate, on a provisional basis, my functions as Commander in Chief of the Heroic Revolutionary Armed Forces upon the aforementioned comrade, Army Gen. Raul Castro Ruz.
3. I delegate, on a provisional basis, my functions as President of the Council of State and Government of the Republic of Cuba on the First Vice President, comrade Raul Castro Ruz.
4. I delegate, on a provisional basis, my functions as principal promoter of the national and international program of public health upon the member of the Political Bureau and Minister of Public Health, comrade Jose Ramon Balaguer Cabrera.
5. I delegate, on a provisional basis, my functions as principal promoter of the national and international program of education upon comrades Jose Ramon Machado Ventura and Esteban Lazo Hernandez, members of the Political Bureau.
6. I delegate, on a provisional basis, my functions as principal promoter of the national program of the energy revolution in Cuba, and cooperation with other countries on this field, upon comrade Carlos Lage Davila, member of the Political Bureau and Secretary of the Executive Committee of the Council of Ministers.
If I was Raul I'd be like, "Oh, so I'm only half the bad hombre you are, you intestinal bleeder, you brokeback tourista, you death's-door reposeur. Commandante used to hold out in mountain fastnesses, and now his mountainess fatassness can't withstand a long weekend of chauffered sightseeing and catered attitudenizing. I'm good enough to run the counry, the party and the army but not your mumbo jumbo energy revolution. Old scraggle-puss is the only Castro Ruz who gets to play doctor, teacher and scientist too. "Provisional basis" my sweet ass, you provisional deadman."
Sunday, July 30, 2006
If Gertrude Stein Wrote Yahoo's Headlines for Yahoos as Gertrude Stein